Sudha is a brilliant lady.she has topped in all her studies.though she is from a middle class background,she achieved to study well and got a job in mnc.her husband Sudhir also well educated and in a nice job.he is from a village background.this couple got married just like many others.after they got a daughter,sudha slowly becoming irritable and she is having mood swings.it has become difficult for her to cope up with both household and office works.also there is no cooperation from her husband regarding house hold chores(in her opinion).Her husband was not aware of all these things going on in her mind as from the beginning it was like this.day by day sudha's frustration mounted up,which led to conflicts between the couple.also she put on weight, which caused much worry.through a friend this couple came to me.first sudha's husband came to me and explained the situation and told sudha doesn't want to come to a counsellor.then i told him to convince his wife.thankfully she too came to me in the second visit.after talking to both of them individually my findings were...
- their marriage fixed by elders and there was not much communication between the couple before marriage.so they didn't share any thoughts about marriage or life after marriage.
- as both are working,things were so mechanical and most of the times there was nothing to talk between them.after office hours sudha is busy with her work,and sudhir is busy watching tv or talking to his friends.
- sudha never discussed with sudir about her feelings and sudhir too didn't recognise how stressed she was.
- office work,house work,daughters studies... all these matters made sudha to feel depressed.
- more over her husband never discuss financial matters to her and she was under impression that he is helping out of the way to his family though his job is not sounding well.
- sudha is also facing job threat due to recession in soft ware field.
-both the couple never tried to talk to each other about each other which has created a gap between them.
- sudhir feels that sudha's mother creating problems with her elderly concern.
all these findings i put before the couple and let them to talk.i also told sudhir that how badly sudha needs his company.after talking to me, sudha felt so relieved and talked to her husband peacefully.he too realised the need to build rapo between them.i gave them two weeks of time with some suggestions....
...after two weeks sudha and sudhir came to me in a happy mood.i could see the change in them.they promised me that in future too their bonding of friendship will continue.afterall...that is what i want from my clients!
This is just an example.there are different types of people in the world of marriage. if we can understand our partners,and then convey our message in appropriate form,problems will not arise.some use ful tips for the couples to stay in marriage happy...
Now let's look at some ideas for improving and maintaining intimacy while raising small children. Here is a list of suggestions and tools. Of course, many of these are easier said than done. But if even one or two can be adopted into your family's routine, you may notice increased closeness and be more in touch with the partner you love.
1. Make your couple relationship a priority. Remember that kids learn how to do their relationships from absorbing how their parents relate to each other, not just how their parents relate to them as kids. Kids are perceptive and intuitive and can figure out relationship dynamics, even if they can't always put words to it.
2. Notice and appreciate various kinds of intimacy: having fun together with the kid(s) and exchanging eye contact; being in nature together; sharing spiritual intimacy; being able to be comfortably quiet together; sharing a task or hobby; having fun together; talking heart-to-heart; noticing when tasks go smoothly.
3. Figure out shorthand ways to communicate what you are needing/feeling/thinking, since there is less time for talking than before becoming parents, and because sometimes we don't want to have to explain everything to the kids.
4. Make an agreement to tell each other something important going on for you that day that the other can ask about later in the day. Be explicit about it: "This is what you can ask me about later."
5. Find time during work hours to talk on the phone together.
6. Establish an earlier bedtime if your children often stay up late. Bedtimes are for the adults as much as for the kids.
7. Make a date for talking together without distractions. Agree that a certain night (or other time) is set aside just to sit on the sofa and talk to each other. No kids, TV, or newspaper.
8. Set up dates/babysitting far in advance, so the busyness of the near future does not prevent you from having dates together.
9. If money is tight, be sure to budget some money to have fun together as a couple. Don't put your needs as a couple last.
10. Consider trading babysitting regularly with another couple so each couple can go out more regularly and without child-care costs.
11. When out on dates, don't talk about the kid(s). Or, at least, put a limit on how long you talk about them. Stopping by the time the food arrives works well if you're eating out.
12. Ask for what you want. We sometimes want our partners to know what we want without our having to say it. This is unrealistic and causes problems.
- as both are working,things were so mechanical and most of the times there was nothing to talk between them.after office hours sudha is busy with her work,and sudhir is busy watching tv or talking to his friends.
- sudha never discussed with sudir about her feelings and sudhir too didn't recognise how stressed she was.
- office work,house work,daughters studies... all these matters made sudha to feel depressed.
- more over her husband never discuss financial matters to her and she was under impression that he is helping out of the way to his family though his job is not sounding well.
- sudha is also facing job threat due to recession in soft ware field.
-both the couple never tried to talk to each other about each other which has created a gap between them.
- sudhir feels that sudha's mother creating problems with her elderly concern.
all these findings i put before the couple and let them to talk.i also told sudhir that how badly sudha needs his company.after talking to me, sudha felt so relieved and talked to her husband peacefully.he too realised the need to build rapo between them.i gave them two weeks of time with some suggestions....
...after two weeks sudha and sudhir came to me in a happy mood.i could see the change in them.they promised me that in future too their bonding of friendship will continue.afterall...that is what i want from my clients!
This is just an example.there are different types of people in the world of marriage. if we can understand our partners,and then convey our message in appropriate form,problems will not arise.some use ful tips for the couples to stay in marriage happy...
Now let's look at some ideas for improving and maintaining intimacy while raising small children. Here is a list of suggestions and tools. Of course, many of these are easier said than done. But if even one or two can be adopted into your family's routine, you may notice increased closeness and be more in touch with the partner you love.
1. Make your couple relationship a priority. Remember that kids learn how to do their relationships from absorbing how their parents relate to each other, not just how their parents relate to them as kids. Kids are perceptive and intuitive and can figure out relationship dynamics, even if they can't always put words to it.
2. Notice and appreciate various kinds of intimacy: having fun together with the kid(s) and exchanging eye contact; being in nature together; sharing spiritual intimacy; being able to be comfortably quiet together; sharing a task or hobby; having fun together; talking heart-to-heart; noticing when tasks go smoothly.
3. Figure out shorthand ways to communicate what you are needing/feeling/thinking, since there is less time for talking than before becoming parents, and because sometimes we don't want to have to explain everything to the kids.
4. Make an agreement to tell each other something important going on for you that day that the other can ask about later in the day. Be explicit about it: "This is what you can ask me about later."
5. Find time during work hours to talk on the phone together.
6. Establish an earlier bedtime if your children often stay up late. Bedtimes are for the adults as much as for the kids.
7. Make a date for talking together without distractions. Agree that a certain night (or other time) is set aside just to sit on the sofa and talk to each other. No kids, TV, or newspaper.
8. Set up dates/babysitting far in advance, so the busyness of the near future does not prevent you from having dates together.
9. If money is tight, be sure to budget some money to have fun together as a couple. Don't put your needs as a couple last.
10. Consider trading babysitting regularly with another couple so each couple can go out more regularly and without child-care costs.
11. When out on dates, don't talk about the kid(s). Or, at least, put a limit on how long you talk about them. Stopping by the time the food arrives works well if you're eating out.
12. Ask for what you want. We sometimes want our partners to know what we want without our having to say it. This is unrealistic and causes problems.
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